I was about to blog about something else, when Jinie sent me this mail about relationships. When she sent me this mail, I was in the middle of some relationship confusion. I've never been in a relationship, and when I am in one, I believe commitment is really important. I'm not sure I am ready for a commitment or not. Maybe I was afraid of getting hurt, maybe I wasn't ready, maybe I was afraid to lose many things.
I don't know.
It gets really complicated when it comes to relationships, for me I've not been through any of this. Talk about the lack of knowledge about relationships and all that, really got into me hard. When I read this article, it made me think alot. But then again, I shouldn't think too much about it because I don't think it's time for me to commit yet. It's all about God's timing. God knows who is the right one for you. It comes just like, that. Before you even know it, you've already fallen in love.
Cupids: Fat, Naked and Dangerous. They cast love spells. haha.
A SOULFUL RELATIONSHIP - by Ronald McFadden
If you're not married yet, share this with a friend. If you are married, share it with your spouse or other married couples and reflect on it.
An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye."
Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem, make you blind to warning signs.
Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really important.
Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious.
If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you.
You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together.
Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her.
You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.
Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship! Seeking status,wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship. What keeps a relationship strong?
Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor,sharing household tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note)? Leave a nice message on the voicemail or send an email.
Share common goals and interests.
Growth is important. Grow together,not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interests. You can't always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try to control one another. Learn each other's family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless. Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer or for poorer.
If these qualities are missing,the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion.
The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the "I"!!!!
The greatest glory of living is not in never falling, but in rising everytime you fall ..........
Speaking of marriage, not many couples really sit down and talk, solving problems together. Instead, they just give each other a cold shoulder. Refusing to even look at each other, or speak a single word. They just remain silent and every single problem is still stored inside their hearts. Never solved, just let it pass away itself. In my life, I've witnessed a couple of failed marriages in my family. There was once violence played a part in my family. It affects me somehow. It made me developed the fear for men, marriage and also relationships. Especially being an Asian, we are the people who don't tend to show love.
Even apologizing is difficult. I don't know why.
Just a note to all of you, before you jump into a relationship, it's best that both of you get to know each other better first. Don't rush into things, you wouldn't want to scare each other. The harder you try to impress the person, the worse its going to be. Don't try too hard, just let it be. Go with the flow. Try to understand each other and always be a good listener. Be patient, time will tell. Oh, and always be honest to each other. Never hide things, things would be much easier to solve if both of you share it.
Till then, XOXO.
